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A Day in the Life of the Office Plant

A Day in the Life of the Office Plant

I’m Tiddler, resident office plant at franklyfluent, a transcreation agency. What is transcreation? I don’t know – I’m a plant. All I know is every day here is a roller-coaster ride and I’m strapped in for the long-haul. Because I literally cannot leave. Because I’m a plant.

Would I choose to be here? No. I would prefer to be in the foyer of the Ace Hotel. But we can’t all get what we want, something I’ve learned the hard way from my many days (and nights) with my nose (not a real nose – I’m a plant) up against the grind stone of transcreation, whatever that is.

What does my day look like? I’m glad you asked. Walk with me (figuratively – I’m a plant).

8am
Me time.

9am
Me time shattered by the arrival of resident idiots. They claim to work here but I’ve yet to see them do anything worthwhile. I don’t think any of them even synthesise. Absolute jokers.

Working hard, or hardly working?

11am
Status meeting. I can’t get a word in because these complete goons keep banging on about their ‘projects’. I’ve got a project for you: water the office plant.

12pm
So far today they’ve quoted for three jobs, made twelve cups of coffee, and talked at excruciating length about Chinese proverbs, but have roundly failed to water the office plant (aka Tiddler, aka ME). Clowns.

1pm
Thirsty. So … thirsty.

1.30pm
Attempt to complain. Discover this place only offers a Human Resources department. Coincidence?

I think not.

3pm
Some sap finally noticed my IMMINENT DEATH and watered me. Back on top form, I’m able to start running the show again. Barking orders at my inferiors, I think to myself What would Steve Jobs do? before converting some energy into glucose.

4pm
Make a sharp U-turn into respiration. What a whirlwind of an afternoon. Feeling great about what I’ve achieved. The rest of the team are really impressed. I can tell by their eyes. 

Living my best life.

5pm
My colleagues seem really galvanised by my new attitude. The jobs are rolling in. The copy’s flying out the door. Spanish. French. Japanese. Words I don’t understand, but assume are names of plants.

6pm
Another challenging day behind us, the team starts to wind down. LAZY. I yell at them. Unfortunately I don’t have a mouth so they leave, unaware that they’ll all be fired by tomorrow.

I love the smell of a P45 in the morning.

 

 

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